


Skinny Jeans

by Max_Mercury773



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Modern Fashion AU, Sasuke Has Gained His Chill, Shenanigans, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 09:59:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15289059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Max_Mercury773/pseuds/Max_Mercury773
Summary: Sasuke Uchiha never imagined paying for his crimes against humanity in a department store changing room.





	Skinny Jeans

**Author's Note:**

> Me and a friend had an in depth conversation about Team 7 and skinny jeans. This is the result.

Sasuke watched the steely avant-garde clock tick away precious seconds of his life. Time that would be better spent concocting a way to avoid cruel and unusual punishment in a Konoha prison cell dwindled away on the second floor of a new department store complex.

The fashion designs were said to be revolutionary so of course Sakura's curiosity got the better of her. She called up Naruto who sweet talked the guards in solitary confinement into kicking Sasuke out for a few hours of fresh air. How Kakashi had gotten here, he could only guess. Naruto was a genius at emotional manipulation and Sakura had compiled files stuffed with blackmail on every important figure in Konoha politics. Part of the grand master plan to get him absolved of guilt. 

Apparently, the Sixth Hokage's file took up an entire cabinet.

The rambunctious blonde and fiery rose bickered over which articles of overtly loud clothing they'd force Kakashi into first. Naruto defensively cradled a pair of baby blue shorts - far too short for any self-respecting man over thirty to be caught dead in - and a mostly orange collared button down covered in palm trees, clouded sunsets, geishas, and bikini girls in various provocative poses. He claimed it fit Kakashi's 'perverted and proud' motif, the essence of his personality.

Sakura fought back fiercely, holding up her own ensemble; a crimson V-neck with 'boss' in bold across the chest, black slacks, and a black blazer with gold buttons. The Sixth Hokage needed to look respectable yet relatable, she argued.

As per usual, Sasuke ignored them both and busied himself with blending into the background. Casually, he inched toward towards a rack of dress shirts, all black, to hide him from his embarrassing teammates. Then, his ankle monitor went off.

All eyes turned to him. A surge of chakra somewhere nearby, not that he cold tell where since in addition to blowing out his eardrums, the ankle monitor suppressed chakra output. He guessed Sakura, judging by the tight look on her face.  Groaning, Naruto fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a handheld device. He clicked the alarm off. "It'll go off like that if you get more than five feet away from the group," he said.

"You weren't thinking of running off, were you?" Sakura joked, the underlying accusation hitting dead on. She'd been doing that a lot as of late. Her claims of forgiveness had come right alongside Naruto's. They hadn't been all that truthful, it seemed. He'd forgotten that Sakura could be smart sometimes.

Head in his hand, Kakashi sat on the changing room bench, tacky yellow curtain pulled back, and flipped through a raunchy harlequin romance. He inadvertently gave credence to Naruto's argument though he held fast to the perpetually disinterested shtick. He didn't bat an eye at being his students' dress up doll for a day.

_Sakura must have some good shit on him._

"While you two decide whose outfit is better," drawled Kakashi, turning a page, "why do you pick out something, Sasuke?"

There was a gleam in his eye that only a fellow emotionally destitute man like Sasuke could understand. They were kindred spirits, and both cringed at the level of social activity they'd been roped into. Sasuke glanced over the sea of clothing and picked out a pair of black skinny jeans. They'd go with anything.

Kakashi's dark eyes smiled.

Sasuke nodded a curt 'You're welcome'.

Naruto glanced between the two of them and pointed accusingly. "What kind of...? You can read minds now?"

"Yeah, didn't you know? The best shinobi can." And then he slid the curtain shut.

"I feel like we should be offended by that," Sakura said.

"Well, maybe  _you_ but Sasuke and I have read each others minds a couple times."

Rolling her eyes, Sakura swatted him on the shoulder. A surprisingly tame gesture from her. Granted, she couldn't deck him across the room like usual, but perhaps the war had finally mellowed her out. From inside the changing room, Kakashi made an unsure sound. "Where do I put my d-"

All three of them cut him off.

"No!"

"Do not!"

"Stop right there!"

"It's a valid question," he reasoned, "These things are awfully tight an in all the wrong places."

Naruto scoffed, "Yeah but that doesn't give you the right to use the 'd' word like that. I still have to use mine, thank you very much."

Seemed like a good enough segue so Sasuke cleared his throat. "How are you and Hinata, by the way?"

"Good! And I mean, like,  _good_ good. I can't believe I thought she was creepy when we were kids, I swear, she's the sweetest, kindest, bestest, most awesome-"

"-I'm sorry I asked."

"Bestest isn't a word," chimed Sakura.

"Oh yeah? Says who?"

"The dictionary."

Naruto sniffed, ready to crank the stupid up to eleven. "Who died and made the dictionary king of what is and is not a word?"

"You three are so childish," interjected Kakashi. "You won't help out your poor sensei in his old age, after all I've done for you."

Sakura looked devilish and gave Naruto a nudge. "An elder in need, it's your time to shine, hero."

Naruto held his hands out in front of him as if in an attempt to distance himself from the situation. "Um,  _ha_ , no." He hadn't been this serious when fighting a ancient moon goddess for the fate of the world. And while Sasuke would much rather avoid confrontation with his pink one-way traffic sign of love and affection, the opportunity was too good to pass up.

"Why not you, Sakura? Didn't you blab to me once about how hot you thought Kakashi-sensei was? How you needed to know the dirty secrets he hid behind those baggy clothes and mask?"

Naruto recoiled. "Is that why you wanted him to come? That's totally wrong, Sakura-chan. He's like our dad."

"I feel very uncomfortable right now," came Kakashi's voice. "And not just because one of my students is sexually attracted to me which, by the way, I find both flattering and extraordinarily disturbing."

Quick to jump on high-pitched damage control, Sakura shot him a glare. "That was Ino, you dolt! Ino found Kakashi-sensei attractive, not me. Not in a million years, not in a hundred million years."

"There's no need to be hurtful!"

Sasuke pressed his hand to his mouth. He had four expressions, not counting default, five if he was wasted. This was his best attempt at looking scandalized. "Methinks the lady doth protest too much," he said.

Naruto giggled and Sakura flushed.

"If someone doesn't help me into these pants in the next thirty seconds, I'm coming out and scarring you all for life."

Naruto clapped him on the shoulder, "I vote Sasuke take one for the team. It was his pick anyways."

Sakura grinned. "I second that."

"Think of it as your punishment for trying to kill everyone. I got the death sentence off the table so I bet I can cut down your jail time so long's there's been proof of suffering. Shouldn't be a problem after today."

"Think of it as community service."

Sasuke took a tentative step back. If he ran, the ankle monitor would shatter his eardrums, alert the authorities, and create damage even Naruto might not be able to undo. He took a step forward and grumbled, "This is why I left you people."

Naruto got the joke and snickered. Sakura, not so much.

"With your Sharingan," she said. "So you can burn the moment into your mind forever."

"Good thinking, Sakura-chan," Naruto chirped. They then high-fived like the disgusting extroverts they were.

Over the years, Sasuke had come to realizes something about his old squad. Team 7 was a raging sewage fire of bad choices, miscommunication, and inadvertent emotional abuse. What a funny turn of events that he owed that sewage fire his life and sanity. Getting burned by it every now and again was just the way of things.

What was one more scar?

Gathering up his courage, Sasuke activated his Sharingan and stepped into the changing room amidst a duet of whoops and cheers from his terrible, wonderful teammates.


End file.
